My Words Notes
this page is a list of notes, entry series', people mentioned, and in general background information for the My Words and The Library that doesn't belong in My Delusions or About Me. it's just stuff that will give context where some of my entries lack it, however it will not have context for specific entries, just general context. i may also directly reference information here (such as people mentioned or entries series'). Things to Quote will not be connected here, as those entries are designed to include all context and not need the further context of this site and be a "standalone" corner of my site.
this section is a list of people in my life who i write about in My Words, or in the Library, so you know who i'm referring to when you see a name in either place. it'll include people's encoded names (if i've encoded their name), and/or a 2-3 letter nickname that i will give them, along with their relation to me, or a little brief description of who they are so you know roughly who they are. if you're looking for more information About Me, check that link, or if you're looking for more information About My Delusions then click that link. also, in case you're wondering, encoded names that are numbers are the person's name encoded, and the 2-3 letters are a nickname for them, like, for example, "ABF" might mean "amazing best friend". i'll let you figure out what each one means for yourself lol, and if you want to tag me in posts on Instagram (my username there is "akasi.sudama") guessing what the letters stand for, feel free, i'll let you know if you're close, and maybe correct.
Alters
Winchester - system protector, tough, male, he/him
Mxy - chill, emotionless non-binary Alter, Fae/Faer
Sephir - introject/factive of [VGL], used to have a very strong bond with her.
Void - ASPD Alter that is very much not a fan of emotion. soft spot for our dog.
Kaleidoscope - newer Alter who's a shapeshifter. loves snakes.
Star - guidance Alter that is an introject from a video game. system's guardian.
[50.49;49.52;50.52;49.51;54] - Glow - system "therapist", always there to talk to, very good at supporting others, super fucking sweetheart, She/Her
[50.52;54;50.51;57] - seductive flirty Alter that is good at dating and more intimate relationships, female, she/her
[50.52;54;50.51;54;49.51] - motherly Alter, very caring, loving, sweet and kind, she/her
SIF - [51.49;50.52;54] - Alter: multiple introject of past abusers, and hitler, really nasty person. Delusion Character: Shitty Immortal father that was abusive and constantly tortured and abused and r*ped me, whom i have nothing but hate for. these were analogised memories of real trauma, and things that the Alter SIF did to me in the Inner World. he has since begun to make up for these things and become a better person.
Delusion Characters:
SBS - Scrapbook System - this is the name for the imaginary friend i am making who will also have DID, and each Alter will be one of these characters. since i have no other way or method of coping with the loss, i'm making these people back into something, or someone that is singular, clearly imaginary, and distinct, even though it's one form, one imaginary friend that's another DID system, all the characters are there, and i will refer to interactions with them (if i mention any here) as "imagined conversations" because, well, it's my imagination, sometimes i think of things in the moment that pop in and only really take shape through another person or character, like the people i imagined all seemed very distinct and real and had unique interactions because of this, because of these tiny little thoughts that are, well, yeah. these characters i will still reference individually, and any more i think of to imagine and add to Scrapbook System i will mention and add names for here along with who or what i base the character off of
Immortal Being - Delusion 1
CSC - - my sister, she is a perfect copy of me, we're actually mirror images of each other, Alters and all, we can even share memories fluently.
FW - [56;54;50.51;50.52;49.48;49.55;49.52;49.57;54] - first and only wife from first version of this instance who i thought was dead for a long time, then got back together with her for a time before the relationship all failed
GS - [50.52;49.51;56;49.54;50.49;49.52;57] - sister from Underworld, pretty close
SFZ - [50.52;49.48;50.51;54;49.57;49.52] - sister from Immortal father, love her to bits, have no boundaries with her and am insanely close, went through trauma with me - seems to be imaginary analog of real sister because i wanted to be close with her but we never were
SIF - [51.49;50.52;54] - Shitty Immortal father that was abusive and constantly tortured and abused and r*ped me, whom i have nothing but hate for - analog for my abuser whoever they were (haven't coped and figured out enough to say for certain)
FOD - [54;49.55;56;50.48;50.49;49.52;50.53;54;49.52] - my adopted daughter, i love her so much, and am so proud of her and her siblings
GOH - [54;50.51;50.53;49.48;49.56;49.52;50.52] - old girlfriend, also happens to be a pretty well known goddess among Mortals (no, i will not say which one)
BF - [50.52;49.53;50.53;54;50.52;49.51;56] - Immortal life best friend, i luv her a lot.
UBD - [54;50.52;49.52;49.57;54] - my daughter, (biological) who i didn't know about until she found me, but goddamn i love her to bits, along with her siblings and am really proud of her and them
PAI - [50.49;49.51;49.53;49.48;49.57;49.52;50.57] - my hyper advanced AI, and the only reason she's in here is because she's actually true artificial intelligence, so much so that you could never tell the difference between her and a person
SGF - [50.52;49.48;49.55;49.52;50.52;49.48] - Immortal GF, one of 2, she's sweet and super nice, and very soft and loving
DEG - [50.52;50.54;49.56;50.48;49.57;49.48] - other Immortal girlfriend, very dominant but also extremely intimate and loving
Blade City - Delusion 3
Chiko - this was my best friend in the city and a war buddy because we were warriors. it's also one of the first made up words/names i ever invented, and helped sprout my creativity.
Real People:
OPF - Aleena/Nebula System - my only public friend, whose Instagram I follow & helped me make this site (thank you bestie!!!)
NDN - [49.56;54;50.51;49.52;50.52;50.52;54] - neighbor's daughter's name, and the name of a random girl from a dating app
MPL - [54;50.52;49.51;49.55;49.48;52] - name of multiple people i've met in life, i had a therapist, a Friend with Benefits, and a normal friend named this.
REG - [49.54;54;50.53] - one of my ex girlfriends who i got back together with, who used me, and we now hate.
SSF - [50.51;50.48;55;49.52;49.57], used to go by [49.54;54;49.48] - friend of mine who kept taking me back, who i've finally ruined things for good with.
EFD - [50.53;49.56;54;49.57;49.52] - old friend from discord who i no longer speak to
PCB - [49.54;54;50.53;54;49.57;54] - old friend who called the cops on me and taught me to hide things, even from friends unless i'm untraceable, and to always be careful who i open up to about self harm.
MAF - [54;49.56;49.48;51] - my frog's name. i had to let her go but i miss her and still care for her
FFN - [49.56;50.54;49.49;49.49;49.52;49.57] - the name of my first frog who passed away
PMF - [49.50;49.53;49.56;50.49;49.52;52;57;49.50] - ex best friend who decided to just quit on the friendship who we hate.
FBF - [49.49;50.51;54;49.57;49.54;49.52;49.57] - old friend who was a bitch and thought i was schizophrenic, turns out i was just delusional.
ROF - [50.56;49.52;49.55;49.55] - random old friend who i don't remember
FBK - [51.49;50.54;51.49;50.54] - old friend who i didn't know that well
OJF - [54;49.57;49.50;57;49.57] - old friend who i never got along with that well who added me back.
RTC - [49.48;49.55;49.55;54] - random TV show character
OCF - [56;49.51;49.48;52;49.48;49.57;49.57;49.48] - old friend from canada who i, well, i pretty well destroyed our friendship, even though i really should have just not talked to for a while.
RBB - [49.53;49.48;50.52;50.52] - random bitch who blocked me for attempting to communicate
BEG - [54;49.55;52] - old ex girlfriend, was very sweet and the breakup was extremely peaceful
OTC - [49.49;49.48;49.55;56;54;56;50.53;52] - other random TV show character
AGM - [56;54;50.51;50.48;49.55;52;49.57] - amazing grandmother.
WFB - [49.54;52;49.57] - bitch from bumble who's into magic and stuff and turned out to be faking wanting to be friends.
RCF - [54;49.55;49.52;56;49.52;52;54] - random person i met on discord who happens to live super close to me
AFA - [49.57;49.48;51] - former system friend
UAG - [50.52;54;51.49;54;49.57;49.52], used to go by [50.52;54;49.56;57] - ex best friend/chosen family brother.
MCS - [50.52;49.52;49.54;50.48;49.57;49.52;54] - "sister from Immortal life" (part of Delusion 1), who was a person i met in real life. no longer in contact after her psychotic break i guess i'd call it.
CTG - [49.53;50.48;50.52;49.52;49.48] - trans girl i met who i currently have blocked for many fucking reasons.
GCS - [50.53;49.52;50.51;54;49.55;49.52;50.52] - friend who i knew but couldn't quite get over some religious stuff enough to stay friends.
VGL - [50.55;49.48;50.52;50.49;57;49.57] - nice and sweet goth girl who i met on Discord, who i dated.
JFP - [49.53;49.48;50.52;50.52;57;49.57] - ex girlfriend, breakup was amicable (despite other Alters acting out harshly).
KES - [49.54;50.51;49.52;50.52] - my ex girlfriend who is from a system.
SRA - [50.52;49.50;49.57;57;49.50;52] - random admin from a discord server who found my blog/public diary
RTP - [50.51;52;54;49.57] - random transphobic prick from school who was kind of, to quote a friend, the detonator of my shitty mental health.
TAL - [50.56;49.52;49.57;50.53;49.48;50.51] - the Original owner of The SZ Server where i was Admin in who killed herself. rest in peace, old friend, i only wish you were still here. you'll never be forgotten.
ETT - [49.48;49.55;49.52;50.52;49.48] - my new IRL & telehealth therapist who i got after a couple months without therapy. YOU'RE THE BEST! (yes she reads this)
TGA - [54;50.55;54] - trans girl i met who's super fucking cute and a vibe, no longer in contact
CPJ - [49.53;49.48;50.52;50.52;57;49.57] - cute protector from a system who i really liked who coincidentally has the same name as my ex, JFP. no longer in contact.
VPS - [50.55;50.49;49.55;50.49;50.49;50.52] - new system who was a friend of mine
TMS - [49.51;54;51.49;49.48] - system friend who went into self gaslighting and mental instability as we left
MTC - [49.56;54;50.51;49.50;50.48;50.53] - former friend and partner who was a cunt and a psychopath. good thing Akasi's hypersensitivity saved us because per noticed this.
AEL - [49.48;49.56;49.48;50.51;52] - close friend that we've known who's a chosen family sister to us.
FAS - [54;50.52;50.49;49.48;49.57] - former friend of ours who's a system.
ATA - [53;51;52] - system friend of ours who's a cool jewish girl
[LFT] - [49.55;49.52;49.49] - ex friend from Revolt who felt like i met them from Tumblr, so much so i fucking mis-named their nickname (you can tell how creative i am with nicknames now /s). they turned out to be a cunt and a psychopath.
[GPP] - cool polyamorous person i met on reddit.
[CGD] - Akasi and Void's best friend, super cool German dude.
No Name Folks
these are people who we can't remember the name of and never encoded their name.
CTM - old mafia boy i dated back before i transitioned, back when i thought i was cis and gay.
ABF - random ex friend from bumble whose name i forgot. nice, autistic, and seems to really care. seems similar to me and has BPD too.
BHT - BetterHelp Therapist #3
AGI - really nice, sweet ace girl who I met on a dating app
MCB - "brother from Immortal life" (part of Delusion 1) who i met in real life. we were never that close.
ATS - a system i met recently who's new to my life who only recently started getting more aware of their Alters & such
STC - random girl i forget about
AFC - now ex friend we met through AFA
VMP - someone Void met.
TAC - friend of ours that's an awesome person, and a good friend.
TAS - friend i forgot about.
Systems
this section is for systems, whether they be OSDD-1a/b, DID, or otherwise, it's for systems, this is to denote non-host Alters, or Alters i didn't meet first. for example, if host is [ABC] the Alter will be noted with [ABC-1] or [ABC-2] for whatever Alters there are that i interact with. their Alter-specific name will not be encoded and they will only be given a number or in some cases an alternate nickname which will be listed as a separate person. the reason i am doing this is because while Alter fuckups are system responsibility, they're still specific to that Alter, so you can easily hate one Alter from a system but like the host, or maybe the other way around.
TAA's System
TAA - co host whom we met first, and got close with first, especially Void
AFA's System
-0 Host, AFA.
-1 - this is their main protector, he's overprotective and pretty scary.
-2 - this is their weirdest Alter, has a thing with liking blood.
CPJ's System
CPJ - their main protector (whom i met first)
-1 - their host, who's super nice and cute
-2 - their only Little
-3 - their persecutor Alter
this section is a list of series, or recurring entries that use the same title, with an "edition #" after them, and this list explains what they are about
Coincidence Loves To Fuck With Me - 1 Entry to date
this series explains a lot of the weird coincidences that happen in my life because let me tell you, it happens so fucking often, to the point that coincidence fucking with me is a recurring theme in my life overall (honestly it's practically the story of my fucking life), not just the entries on this site, it's practically a personality trait at this point lmfao.
NSFW Rant - 2 entries to date
this series is an NSFW series for me to just vent things that i do, find out, and mess around with, and to rant when i get into a good relationship. these entries are very NSFW and should only be read in private.
Dreams - 9 entries to date
this series is where i write down my dreams, then put a little separator (made of dashes, or these things: ---) and then write a normal entry, or address the dream or whatever, only difference is i vent the dream and what happened in every detail i can remember at the start.
Doorway To The Darkness - 9 entries to date
this entry is a doorway to the fucked up and dark corners of my mind, stuff that i only publish to help keep me aware of who i am, and the darkness i have, and to also show others this darkness to they can be warned in a way. this isn't to say i'm a bad person or evil, it's just to say i have a lot of pain, and a lot of dark thoughts, and need to vent them sometimes. these entries are also partly for my therapists to read for psychoanalysis purposes. also: if you relate to these entries in any way, SEE A THERPIST. take it from someone who knows how bad these can get inside your head, get a therapist. also i do not encourage or condone any of the fucked up things i've thought about in these entries.
BPD Episodes - 2 Entries To Date
this is where i will catalogue all my BPD episodes that are due to emotions or whatever else, these typically take the form of staying up for obscene amounts of time while making bad decisions.
Splitting Episodes - 1 Entries To Date
this is where i will catalogue all my BPD splitting episodes because they're not just an emotional episode, they're so SO MUCH WORSE, and should be put in collapsible text and can be extremely hateful.
Fucking Mortals - 3 Entries to date - From Delusion, No Longer Worked On
this is no longer worked on and was written prior to breaking out of the delusion, as well as the following text
"this series explains my disappointment in most Mortals, their failings embodied by the people i speak of in these stories. they're great lessons on how garbage Mortals behave, that way you can know what actions are just pathetic and you should avoid, so you can be better, and maybe get a laugh out of it because a lot of it is just plain fucking stupid, and i get to sit here and vent, however do keep in mind, these are the worst of Mortals in this series, and for every story in this series, there's another about how amazing Mortals can be, so please do not think i have a prejudice, i am simply using this series as a way to vent and outline bad Mortals so people can avoid those behaviors and be better."
P.S.: i acknowledge the amount of uses of the word "fuck" in its various forms in this. it's my favorite word.