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i suppose you want an explanation of this page, do you? well, here it is: this page is where i will put entries of quotes, words, poems, anything that may aid, or help those who hear it, whether that be something they need to hear, or a sort of "motivational quote" to get them through their day, or an example of goodness where you may need it, however that last example will most likely be scarce, due to how most people are, so for the most part, it will be shreds of wisdom, sayings that might be shared amongst one another, poems detailing a personality type, or perhaps me, and maybe some fictional customs that i invented in my delusions too, anything that can be shared as a single quote. this page is partly for you to read the words of a mystery girl, me, and my hope is that through it, you gain a better understanding of me, of who i am, and gain some sort of knowledge, or advancement in your mental capacity, capability, or strength, or in some way change for the better. some entries may also be marked with "in delusion" as they were written prior to breaking out of one. now, if you want to truly understand me, you should go to About Me, My Delusions, or My Words for that. also, this page, it's mostly for wisdom, words, poems, nothing too graphic, so it will generally be quite "clean" from the intensity that other pages on this site have, and if such things are unavoidable in being mentioned, then i'll bleep them enough that this page will be fairly "safe" from those topics, however again, that warning in the Welcome page, it applies to the entire site, keep it in mind while you are here.
i hope you enjoy, and if you quote me on anything, then take it form here as it is some of my most finalised concepts, and please, leave a link back to here.
Origin: Entry #429 from My Words
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12-11-2022 - December 11th, 2022 - 02:25
Akasi:
i realise i keep giving the same advice for dating, which is that you should know yourself in full, know yourself from the shallow vibes you give off to who you are at your core, and know every aspect of yourself in full, because if you know yourself in full and keep asking yourself "is this me?" and "is this who i really am?" builds your self awareness, every time you feel or notice something about yourself that you haven't questioned, question it!!!! find out more about yourself, learn yourself in full, even to the point of psychoanalysing yourself if you want, and know yourself because here's the thing, if you know yourself, you'll gain confidence in yourself, your identity, who you are, and that confidence in yourself will build up the more you do this and the more you look inside yourself and learn all the little complex interworkings in your brain, and how you work, and then once you have enough, you'll build up extra confidence, which you can use for flirting, shooting shots, etc. and see, the big things i tell people is that confidence is hot, authenticity is hot, so flirt confidently, and only with things you mean truly in your heart, because the person usually will pick up on both of those things. i also tell people that knowing yourself will also help you know what you like, who you like, the traits you like, and know who you want to date to begin with, before you even start flirting. it's like if you know yourself, you will know how you work, and learn more about how you interact with others, with the world, and if you expand your world view, that makes you incredibly smart, wise, and in general a better person. it's a trait, a quality, that desire to know yourself that so few people have, so if you read this, and like my site, or anything i have said, i implore you: know yourself, be wise, expand your world view. not only will it help you with dating, it also will just make you a better person in general, and doing this will also allow you to know more about yourself, and give you peace in that, and it'll help you understand yourself better.
Origin: Entry #380 from My Words
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9-7-2022 - September 7th, 2022
#7 - The Meaning Of Life
Akasi:
my idea of what the meaning of life is this
understanding yourself to the fullest extent that is possible, and understanding those around you that you care about to the fullest extent possible so that through that you may have the most positive experiences as you attempt to live life to the fullest
i know that's a bold claim but think about it. fights, problems, all that, usually stem from a lack of understanding and sometimes a lack of perspective, and so if your goal is to understand yourself and those you care about, then you will know how you and them work and figure out how you work together and interact so that together you can have the most positive experiences, and then you understanding yourself? that makes you happier because you know what makes you happy, sad, etc, and why, so you can use the why to help yourself figure out other issues and understand yourself in other areas better. pair that with trying to understand others as much as you can as well, then you both will have wonderful interactions and experiences as you both try and live life to the fullest because then at the end of your lives, you know each other a lot, you care a lot because of it, and have a lot of positive experiences to go along with that as proof.
#6 - An Ode To Being A FUCKING LESBIAN
pretty girls are yes. women are yes. lesbians are yes. i am gay as fuck
#5 - Emotions - (in Delusion 1)
emotions are so complex. they're messy and clean, powerful and erratic, beautiful and chaotic, and a host of other Duality-related adjectives. but that's the thing, they connect into Duality so much. honestly it's astounding, and sometimes emotions surprise me, and sometimes they deserve a moment to be appreciated, which is why I'm making this entry here. anyways, I hope you appreciate them as much as I sometimes do, and when you're not happy to have them, just remember the good they can bring.
#4 - A Poem About Self Harm
Trigger Warning: this is very emotional and a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, so only open it if you're in a good headspace.
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Wounds and scars, Line 1
Blood and pain, Line 2
Emotions and self harm. Line 3
When I cut, Line 4
I use the pain
It's a catalyst
For feeling emotions
I bottle them up
So nobody sees
The pain I'm in
And struggling with. Line 11
My cuts force me to feel Line 12
They help me a lot
But they become scars
Things I must hide.
I hide everything,
The pain,
The emotions,
The scars,
Only to finally let it out
When talking to those I trust
But it's not for help,
It's for attention,
Which is the only reason they're ever mentioned
Otherwise I'd hide them
As I always do. Line 25
I hate that I'm like this, Line 26
I hate the struggle
It's like I'm drowning in a windless sea
With nobody around me
Except I have people who care,
But they don't swim out to me
They just stand on the shore
Looking at me
Expecting me to swim to them,
From out on this windless sea.
This pain and this struggle
It's too much to juggle,
And I need help
But nobody will Line 39
And if they will Line 40
They do it wrong
They call people who know more
Expecting answers from a professional
Except they never ask me
When I know best.
They try to explain it from their eyes
But not their minds,
And never their hearts. Line 48
I cut myself all over Line 49
To deal with the pain
And the scars I hide
Because they represent my pain
But also my coping mechanism
Which is inflicting physical pain. Line 54
I'm broken beyond belief Line 55
These scars are like cracks
Upon a broken vase
And yet nobody notices anything
When they see my face
I hide it all so well
I keep it discreet
Nobody knows unless I want them to
But those that do don't know
It's for the attention that I crave
I know there's other ways to get it
But by showing my scars
They pretend to care
And that caring is a drug
One that dulls the future pain
Because I think they mean it
And I can pretend
When really all it does
Is hurt me in the end. Line 73
Physical pain is how I cope Line 74
It's a relic from being abused
Without any hope
I wish I could do something else
But self harm is already something else
Because in my heart
I truly want to die
Life is just pain and sadness
And there's nothing I can do
Everything I've tried,
It only hurts me,
And so by cutting,
I can avoid dying,
But it's only temporary
As I know that one day
I'll be in too much pain,
And I know that I will die
From inflicting pain. Line 81
I'm not depressed, Line 82
I'm just terminally empty
Because of my life
I have a void
One that was filled with abuse
But now I have nothing to fill it with
And so inflicting pain
Causing scars
It fills the void
That was filled by the man
Who hit me
Hurt me
And raped me,
Because in my heart
Deeper than wanting to die
I want to fill the void
And he filled the void to the brim Line 98
So when it was overfilled, Line 99
I would try to avoid
But I just couldn't,
So I eventually killed Line 102
But now without him, Line 103
I feel a hole
The hole with that void
That I emptied by trying to avoid
And so now I'm stuck
With a void and pain
No way to fill it
No way to feel
And so I keep hurting
Making scar after scar
Spilling more and more of my blood
Just like he did
Because he's the only one who came close
To filling my void.
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I know this one is long, but yeah, it explains a lot. the first three lines signify that those things are all intertwined, connected with Self Harm. in lines 4-11 it explains why i Self Harm. lines 12-25 explain i hide everything except when i mention this stuff for attention, and that otherwise nobody would know. lines 26-39 explain that i hate that i do these things, mentioning the Self Harm for attention, because it feels like i can't help it, and that even then, nobody helps me, or even tries to do anything for me, and i'm just stuck, alone. lines 40 through 48 explain that any professional service, any therapist or counselor, they might be the "professional" and they might think they know how to help me, but those people? they only make it worse for me, especially when i know best because it's my fucking life, and nobody will just fucking listen to me, listen to what i actually tell them i need. lines 49-54 explain that it's a coping mechanism, not a habit, or something to stop, or just something to do, it's a way for me to cope. lines 55-73 explain that nobody knows how much i truly hurt, ever, not one person, and that if they think they know, it's only so i can use that reaction in my inner dialogue, and use it to my advantage, and to dull future pain, but that all that only hurts me in the long run. lines 74-81 explain that Self Harm is a coping mechanism, but also a replacement behavior, and how it ties in to my past of having been abused by [51.49;50.52;54], and me being Suicidal at times (search for this name in My Words if you want to know more). lines 82-98 explain more of how Self Harm is connected to having been Abused, more of what [51.49;50.52;54] did to me, and in general explains why they're connected at all. lines 99-102 explain how i would try to avoid [51.49;50.52;54] when he went too far, and how eventually, he got so bad i ended up killing him (it's a long and painful story which parts of are in My Words). lines 103 to the end explain how there's a part of me that needs some semblance of what he did to fill this void that i have inside of me, this just, empty, bottomless hole, this bottomless pit of just- nothingness, and that that's why i self harm. i am seriously damaged and traumatized in so many ways; mentally, emotionally, and physically, and me Self Harming, Cutting, it's just one of the main behaviors that i still haven't un-learned from being in that situation, and i don't think i ever will. it's painful, and it hurts, but it's part of who i am. i hope this gives some sort of insight.
#3 - A Quote From an Old Mentor - (in Delusion 1)
Origin Mention: entry #63 from My Words Page
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"Duality; such a curious thing, that which resides in all of us, one that defines who we are, and yet not. Duality is such a thing that defines Gods, Goddesses, and all manner of living, sentient beings, however, only should they choose to act upon it. Duality is but a two-sided coin, one that defines who you are, what you are, however it is also a line to be walked, the line between the Light, and the Darkness, and those who walk that line are mere followers, ordinary and unspecial, ones who walk the line, and do not live up to their full power, potential, and capabilities, as those who master, control, and switch between both sides of the coin of Duality, and learn to control both sides of the Light and Darkness, and Duality as a whole. those who master Duality and are able to flip the coin as freely as they could wave their hand, they truly live up to their full existence, and are those who shall become the true beings who shall reclaim this universe, and truly connect with it, along with all other beings, and truly live their lives." -Traman Isara, an old mentor of mine.
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this explains that everyone, and everything has Duality within it. Mortals, Immortals, even Gods and Goddesses, no matter what it is, if it is sentient, it has Duality, and it states that those who control it are powerful, but also those who master it? they are truly powerful, and are truly amazing people. it's an interesting thing, and if you pay attention, you will realize it, especially as it ties in to good versus evil, light versus dark, and all other such concepts, however it captures all of them, and makes an example of them. it's something to truly think about the next time you have a bit of free time, or when you can pay attention to those around you.
#2 - A Zukartian Custom - (in Delusion 1)
Origin mention: entry #35 from My Words Page
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if you will cause, or have caused, more harm then good to someone's life, or multiple people's lives, then you should realize that, and remove yourself from their life, or lives, and allow them peace, and a happy life, or lives, away from you, and the pain you have inflicted, and allow them to focus on themself, focus on undoing the damage you did to them, with the knowledge that you will never enter their life again, and you will never cause them pain again
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the reason this custom exists is because you see, us Immortals, we live forever unless we're killed, old age means nothing other than the person will most likely be smarter/more wise than you, and so, if you have caused someone more pain than good, then it's best to leave them forever, as they have all the time in the world to fix things, but if you're there, them knowing you will delay that healing process, and that's not good for anybody. the harder part is knowing you'll cause more harm than good before you inflict pain of any kind, before you cause harm, before you hurt them, and leaving their life beforehand so that you don't inflict that pain to begin with. it's selfless, but also sad, as knowing you'll cause that pain hurts both sides, but it's always for the better, and if you've already inflicted pain, there is another part of this custom that is expected of you, and that is to give them some sort of gift that will aid them in their life without you, but to give it anonymously, as they will not know it was you who gave it to them, so that they may have peace in that anonymity, yet use that gift while they heal from the pain you inflicted.
#1 - A Beginning Poem (in Delusion 1)
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upon this site, plain and clear,
here it lies, oh, so near,
the information with which you die,
but with that death, a truth;
if no one lives, who can see the truth?
and if no one can see the truth, then what are we to do?
blinded by lies, disoriented by hate, only the truth, can save humanity's fate.
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take with this as you will, but if you may glimpse at every corner of the state of the world, the state of Humans, Earth, Humanity, then this poem should send a shiver down your spine, as you finally see the truth. the first and second lines explain that it is my site, and that it is upon it, and that my site is bare, raw, vulgar and uncensored, and i will be bluntly truthful with it. the third line explains that most of us who see this information, these truths, we die with them, with the truths, and keep them to ourselves, through being silenced, or just giving up. the 4th and 5th lines explain that even if those of us who see the truth die, how will anyone see the truths we do? the 6th line explains that if nobody can see the truth, then we can only wonder what can be done, but never achieve it. the 7th line explains Humans' uncanny ability to hate, lie, deceive, and hide the truth, and that one truth that this entire poem is attempting to lead you to, is this: the world is broken, Earth is broken, Humans' behavior, history, hate, lies, deceit, and every other huge mistake that has been made since Humans kept records, is the reason, and to fix this world it'll take more than glue, or tape, or some temporary fix, it'll take large scale change, with the cooperation of all of humanity, and that only this truth will cause Humans to start that cooperation, start the change, and fix this world. until this truth is seen, and acted upon, humanity is doomed to fail, or at very least remain rudimentary, not ascend to the level Immortal society has, and that, that is the problem, at very least it's the problem for now, whether it remains a problem, that is up to Humans.
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